The Fighting 31st

It's shaping up to be a busy day, so I must write quickly and hope that I make sense in the end.

It's my 31st birthday, y'all.

What a year. What an incredible, incredible year.

When I wrote my birthday post on Facebook last year, celebrating 30 (31!) things I was proud of, I didn't know then that I was strapped to a rocket and that, in a paraphrase of Bradbury, the rocket was me. I have done such great things, such adventurous things, such open-hearted and open-minded things in the past year that I cannot help but be proud.

I spent the first hour of this day seeing the Facebook notifications come in, seeing the texts from certain close friends, and staring at the card from my mom sitting on my desk. I wanted to get back to everyone, to respond with more than a Like on every post on my wall and to thank everyone for thinking of me (even if it was only Zuckerberg-assisted). I especially wanted to do this because one of the greatest lessons I have learned in the past year is that in times of doubt, it is reasonable and even encouraged to look around at the people who love you, a configuration that is unique to you, and let that be a sort of gravity shadow to tell you that the space you hold must be filled with something positive, something worthwhile, something worthy of love, based simply on the people you attract.

But before I can celebrate with you all, I had to take the time to celebrate with myself, because the other great takeaway from this year and the greatest part of my life in Los Angeles so far is that I finally love and appreciate my own company. I want to spend time alone. I want to listen to my thoughts. I want to accomplish my goals. I want to respect my body and mind. I want to help myself the way I rushed to help so many friends over the years. I trust myself as my own advocate. I am a friend to myself, at last.

When friends back in Atlanta told me my happiness was visible, that I seemed comfortable with myself, that it was night and day from before (which wasn't even bad), I told them honestly that there are times, when I think of the distance between how happy and content I am now and how I have been in the past, that I am brought to tears, joyful, thankful tears. It has been such a long road, but I am here.

This move, this year, this life has been grand. Thank you for your part in it, whomever might be reading this.